“Goldtongue”: A Patristic Filk.

Copied from my Maria Lectrix podcast blog, and inspired by today’s patristic Thanksgiving selection by St. John Chrysostom. “Chrysostom” is a nickname. It means “gold tongue”. (In English, we tend to talk of someone being silvertongued, instead.) Here’s a very short resume of his career.

To the tune of “Goldfinger”:

Goldto-ongue –
He’s the man, the man with the honeyed words –
Not moneyed words.
Heard
His old tongue
Beckon you to break from your chains of sin,
But will he win?

Golden words he will pour in your ear,
But what’s true has to move past your fear.
For the Golden Horn’s lord knows his hyssop
Is a kiss-up’s death
From Bishop

Goldto-ongue –
Little men beware of his heart of gold –
Their hearts grown cold.

They don’t know real gold.
Lonely gold.
His word’s gold.
He speaks only gold.
Lonely gold.
His love’s gold!

One of my secret ambitions when starting the podcast was to write filks about the stuff I was reading, or the authors. I think this is just about the first time I’ve managed it.

Banjolele! Rap!

If you’ve ever wondered how Jeeves or Wooster would fare as a rapper, and if you wanted Wooster to be able to use his banjolele in public…

…meet Mr. B, the Gentleman Rhymer.

And no, this isn’t a white guy rapper joke, either. And he’s a rather good musician and entertainer. Go see.

“Straight Out of Surrey”: skiffle rap about cricket. Yes. I know.

Cattern Cake Attempt

I think the oven got too hot, so the edges burned big time before I pulled them out. I also think I maybe had a skosh too much flour, and that the self-rising flour could have used some more oomph. They spread out, but not up. And for some reason, I couldn’t find Zante currants, so I had to use raisins instead. Heck, I can’t even find the exact recipe site I used, even though I’ve got the printout right here. (A lot of the recipes have caraway seeds; the one I used, didn’t.)

So… um… welll… I didn’t really get a rolled up cake cut into slices. It… sorta… turned into giant scone cookies. Like if I’d made oatmeal cookies out of flour.

Not that there’s anything wrong with giant raisin sugar spice cookies.

In fact, it seems that at least one person just decided to make Cattern Cookies on purpose. She also cooled her log of dough for an hour before slicing and baking it. Obviously a wiser baker than me.

Anyway, happy St. Catherine’s Eve!

Steampunk on NCIS

NCIS: Los Angeles, that is. Abby wanted to go to this steampunk hangout bar (played by that hotel they use on all their shows, I think).

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like the really cool steampunk folks showed up as extras; they got more Goth costumes than Victorian ones, although there were plenty of goggles. OTOH, most of the folks were better looking than the average fan. Actors are like that.

They also had the steampunk folks calling average people “Muggles” in a non-ironic, everyday sort of way. Yeah. Sure. Iiiiii beliiiiiieve that one.

UPDATE: A month ago, Jeff VanderMeer did an interview with a show writer. About as expected. People try, but it’s hard to convey something if you’re not into it yourself. The interesting thing is that they seem to have felt that authentic steampunk costuming would overwhelm the rest of the show and/or freak out CBS.

They did put <a href="http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=46292697399&topic=12370″>a call out for steampunk extras back in October, and the steampunk folks did find out about it.

Reactions from steampunk fans/members of the ’scene’:

Steampunk Empire: “Conflicted, yet entertained”.

Scriptural Justification and Linguistics

Frustrated linguists make an alliance with God, as they turn to proof texts and Cafe Press merchandise to make their points.

Singular ‘they’ and initial conjunctions: the T-shirt and mug.

No, go and look, and then scroll down till you get to the merchandise. I’ll wait here. Extra points to anyone who gives these as gifts to English teachers at religious schools.

St. John Chrysostom’s Been Chattin’ on the Internet

It never ceases to amuse me, when I read stuff from the patristic age that could have been written yesterday. Apparently the man on the street in Constantinople and the man in the comment box aren’t so different.

In Homily 2 on the Letter to the Colossians, St. John Chrysostom (as a rhetorical device) loses patience with some typical combox religious arguments. Lemme run it through the Combox Converter:

“But if that is what you really feel, and you have the opinion that there is no afterlife, how is it that you call yourself a Christian?… Why did you accept the Laver of baptism? Why do you set foot within the Church?”

“….Why do you come, then, if you don’t believe the Scriptures? If you don’t believe Christ, I can’t call such a one a Christian — God forbid! — but worse off than the [pagan] Greeks. How? In this. You think Christ is God, but you don’t believe Him like God. In [the Greeks'] impiety there is at least consistency — he who doesn’t believe Christ is God, necessarily will not believe His words, either. But in this impiety, there is not even consistency — to believe Christ is God, but not believe Him worthy of belief in what He has said!”

He also has words for smartalecks like me, in Homily 3:

“But if the peacemakers are the sons of God, the makers of disturbance are sons of the devil.

“What do you say? Do you excite contentions and fightings? …Many there are who rejoice at evil, and who rip the Body of Christ into pieces more than the soldiers pierced it with the spear or… nails. A lesser evil was that than this. Those Members cut through in that way united again. But these, when torn off, if they not united here, will never be united, but will remain apart…. When you are minded to war against your brother, think that you war against the members of Christ, and cease from your madness.

“So what… if he be open to contempt? So says He, “It is not the will of My Father that one of these little ones should perish.” … God, for his sake, and yours, even became a servant and was slain; and do you consider him to be nothing? Surely in this respect also you fight against God, in that you deliver a judgment contrary to His.

“When he that is over the Church comes in, he straightway says, “Peace to all”; when he preaches, “Peace to all”; when he blesses, “Peace to all”; when he bids to salute, “Peace to all”; when the Sacrifice is finished, “Peace to all”: and again, in the middle, “Grace to you and peace.” How then is it not monstrous, if, while hearing so many times that we are to have peace, we are in a state of feud with each other; and receiving peace, and giving it back, are at war with him that gives it to us?

“….You say, “And with your spirit.” And do you insult him abroad? Woe is me! That the majestic usages of the Church have become forms of things merely, not a truth. Woe is me! That the watchwords of this army proceed no farther than to be only words. Whence also you are ignorant wherefore is said, “Peace to all.”

“….We are therefore ignorant; because we look upon this merely as a figure of words; and we assent not to them in our minds. For do I give the Peace? It is Christ who deigns to speak by us.

“Even if at all other times we are void of grace, yet are we not now, for your sakes. For if the Grace of God wrought in an ass… for the sake of an economy, and the advantage of the Israelites, it is quite clear that it will not refuse to operate even in us, but for your sakes will endure even this.

“Let none say then that I am mean, and low, and worthy of no consideration, and in such a frame of mind attend to me. For such I am; but God’s way always is, to be present even with such for the sake of the many.”

Yet Another Autumn Opportunity to Traipse Around and Collect Treats

Old Clem’s Night, the English apprentice craftsmen’s celebration of St. Clement’s Day (Nov. 23), is covered at Sub Tuum. They would traipse around singing at people’s doors and cadging drinks or pennies for the financing of the festival celebrations. Kids would often also go around and beg fruit or candy. This was called “Clementing”.

Catterning, for St. Catherine’s Day (Nov. 25), would take place just a few nights later. It involved begging for apples and/or beer, with the sometimes-implied threat of singing under the windows all night if they didn’t get enough. In some places, the apprentices spread out their doorstep tour of the surrounding area to accommodate all the nights in between. In the morning of St. Catherine’s Day in villages where they made cattern pies, there was some begging by the “bellmen” (town criers) for the unmarried girls of the town to wake up, make pies, and then give them some. (Other treats included cattern bowls of roast apples and cider, cattern cakes of spices and currants, and wigg bread rolls.)

Sha Cha Beef

Sometimes I complain about Wikipedia. But there are areas where it really shines, like the Chinese food section. Been wondering what the heck the name means? Been wondering what those little doohickies are? You can find out.

The Chinese restaurant by me has some new items on the menu, so I went and looked up “sha cha“. Apparently, like mala chicken, this is one of those dishes named after the sauce. Sha cha sauce is pretty much soy and garlic and chilies, which sounds normal, and then a little bit of fish and shrimp stock, which was a bit of a puzzler. But apparently it’s a standard part of the cuisine in Fujian province, where most Chinese restaurant workers come from, so I figured it’d be okay.

The restaurant workers seemed surprised that I ordered it, but pleased. (I guess it takes people a little while to work up the courage to try new dishes in foreign-cuisine restaurants.)

It was really good. You can’t really taste the stock, per se; it’s just one of those flavors in back that make you wonder what you’re tasting but not worry about it being anything sinister. It was also one of those sauces that makes the food taste a little bit different all the time, with flavors coming up to meet you and then new flavors coming along.

Of course, if I didn’t know what was in it, I probably just would have thought “mildly spicy brown sauce – huh” and gone on. I’m not one of the great palates of the world, especially when recovering from all that sinus crud. (Next time I think I’ll get it with white rice, though.)

Btw, it seems that the Philippines keep coming up. (Enbrethilielian synchronicity?) I finally found out what those tasty translucent cube things are in the Chinese buffet fruit salad. (I was afraid to ask, in case it was some form of aspic.)

Little-Known Liturgical Abuses

Attempting a baptism with beer. Of course the Norse did it.

(To be fair, the water may have frozen and the alcohol still been slushy, and honey used to be associated with post-baptism and post-matrimony ceremonies, so it may have seemed like a good idea at the time….)

On the other hand, it is never allowable to baptize with an invalid liquid. There is a response of Pope Gregory IX to the Archbishop of Trondheim in Norway where beer (or mead) had been employed for baptism. The pontiff says: “Since according to the Gospel teaching, a man must be born again of water and the Holy Ghost, those are not to be considered validly baptized who have been baptized with beer” (cervisia).

It turns out that this letter in 1241 was the second time an archbishop from Norway had asked this question; in 1205, Innocent III got asked the same question and gave the same response.

Athanasius Contra Mundi has a fuller quote from Gregory IX’s letter.

UPDATE: Hi, New Advent readers!

Providence and Apparitions

I haven’t written much about the “Holy Love” controversy up in Cleveland, because I know almost nothing about it and don’t know anybody affected by it here. Ohio life tends to follow its settlement patterns in some surprising ways, and stuff that happens all the way up and over in Cleveland is practically happening a world away from us here in southwest Ohio. Dubious Kentucky apparitions or Dayton apparitions or Georgia apparitions — I can tell you much more about them!

But it’s a funny thing, sometimes, how Providence works.

The “Holy Love” visionary hasn’t lived an edifying life since her visions began, hasn’t manifested much obedience to higher authority, and passes out messages that seem to be all about personal power and control. Very similar to Mohammed’s alleged messages from God. It seems clear that few of the people who are closely involved have grown in holiness, and that disobedience and wild anger is common.

Meanwhile, the archbishop of Lipa has started new investigations of the apparitions there. The Carmelite novice involved apparently lived an edifying life during and after her visions, was obedient to higher authority, and received messages that were all about praying for people who needed prayer. She underwent frightening experiences, including becoming blind for a time, and did radically humble things by the command of God. None of it was about her aggrandizement. In fact, obedient to her former prioress’ advice, she left the Carmelite order she loved and her hometown, living quietly as an ordinary unmarried woman and helping to edit an English/Tagalog dictionary. Obedient to the Church’s commands, she has remained silent on the subject of her visions for the last fifty years. She continues to refuse interviews even now, even on other subjects.

Others involved in the apparitions suffered plenty of humiliation and suffering, but responded with obedience. The monastery’s spiritual director, demoted and moved elsewhere, ended up founding an order of nuns, living a holy life, and is currently having his cause for sainthood investigated, thanks to the alleged miracles occurring at his tomb. The nuns destroyed everything involved except for the statue which had been commissioned, and that they stored away in a shed for fifty years. At the end of that time, a dying nun asked that the statue return, and the nuns got permission from the bishop to put it up again for her benefit. Miracles then began happening again — associated with this humble obedience to authority.

Again, I don’t know bupkis about any apparitions of Lipa, beyond what has just been publicly released by the archdiocese and by following Enbrethiliel’s post. But the contrast in fruit certainly seems strong between alleged apparitions.

It’s still quite possible that something about the Lipa apparitions is not right, even if not hinky. People who are not frauds and not demonically deceived can still be deceived by their own imaginations, or through illness or injury of various kinds. So of course the apparitions there could not possibly be approved without a great deal of investigation. But what is clear from the archbishop’s statement is that the devotion associated in Lipa with Our Lady, under the title of Mediatrix of All Grace, is healthy, helpful, orthodox, and rooted deep. That’s a sign of God’s favor on the devotion and on the ordinary faithful involved in it. So it makes sense for the archbishop to take this as a cue to act.

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(Btw, I think it’s hilarious that the archdiocese of Lipa has a “vision statement” section on their website. Maybe they should change it to an “apparition statement”.)

(Re: the title — Jesus is of course the one true mediator with the Father for salvation, but we all pray to God for each other and thus mediate. Since Mary’s prayers for the world and for her people were answered by the Son’s incarnation within her womb, and since all grace comes to us in some sense through Jesus Christ, truly all grace comes to the world through her. See “Porta Caeli” and similar titles of Mary.

The title has been popular for a long time, long before these apparitions occurred in 1948. Probably the apparitions served to publicize the title — certainly in the Philippines.)

“Cincinnati”

Apparently, the old tune “Harvest Home” or “The Harvest Home” is also known as “Belfast”, “Cork”, “Fred Wilson’s Clog”, and “Cincinnati”.

Hahahahaha! The Ohio boatmen live!

Here’s “The Harvest Home” played by some real Wrenboys from County Clare in Ireland, also with real stepdancing (here called “setdancing”). Admittedly, St. Stephen’s Day is more than a month away, but this will get you ready.

“St. Clair’s Defeat”

A true folksong about the worst military defeat in US history.

Fortunately, said defeat was back quite a ways — November 4, 1791, at the Battle of the Wabash.

This is a pretty good resume of What Happened and Why. Wikipedia also has good stuff.

The song is pretty rarely performed, in my experience. It appears in one of the earlier US folksong books, an academic study of Ohio folksongs, and in a teaching recording based on the book. What I didn’t know is that the song was picked up in a slightly different version and performed widely by the influential fifties-sixties folk singers Gibson and Camp, on an album they never authorized. (Probably the reason I never heard about them is that they performed in Chicago, and the folk “historians” tend to focus on New York and Pete Seeger, ignoring all others until the late sixties.)

Here’s a different version on YouTube, but it’s a bit slow and not as Celticky as I would like. The weird bit about this version, probably passed down from Gibson and Camp, is that the second line of each verse doesn’t really scan to the commoner version of the tune, most of the time. You can also hear how both versions almost refuse to let the tune fly, to make it more mournful… but why, you may ask?

However, the tune is most commonly used today as the tune for a humorous Irish song called “Mick Maguire”, or “Let Mr. Maguire Sit Down”. Here’s a Russian Celtic band doing a very hardcore version!

The tune of both these songs, a hornpipe, is most often called “Bonaparte’s March”, aka “Bonaparte’s March Across the Rhine”. It has a ton of other names, as you’ll see here. But obviously, in 1791 there was no Bonaparte marching, or at least, not as a general! Likewise for the names “The Battle of Waterloo”, “Sherman’s March”, and “Hot Asphalt”. So the names “County Down”, “Listowel”, and “The Mucking of Geordie’s Byre” (this would have been an earlier version, not at all the modern one) are more likely. So sometimes today the tune is called “Bonaparte Crossing the Rocky Mountains”, but “Bonaparte Crossing the Rockies” is yet another tune.

(Confusingly, “Bonaparte Crossing the Rhine” isn’t the same tune at all (it’s a reel, to start with), and “Bonaparte’s Retreat” is the “Beef – it’s what’s for dinner” theme used by Copland in “Rodeo”. There are a lot of other “Bonaparte’s March” tunes, also.)

A Good Week of Nitpicking

1. Found nine things wrong with the funny hoax game trailer, Mass: We Pray. Tentatively identified the hoaxers as Lutheran.

2. Pointed out that Tertullian would have loved Halloween, or at least, been pretty darned reluctant to denounce it in any way. (Btw, that goes for St. Jerome, too.)

3. Pointed out at least five ways in which Pope Pius X was a shocking innovator, not a traditionalist.

Yes, I do nothing but spread joy and nitpicks wherever I go. Other people just love to see me in their comment boxes.

Street View on My Home Street

Apparently, at some point before the big windstorm but within the last few years, Google went down the street by my parents’ house. They were home, by the car in the driveway, but apparently didn’t notice (or were observing from back a ways in the house). But you can see the very blurred shape of our previous dog looking out the window, guarding the house.

Google Monument?

It’s a bit weird, seeing what’s there and what’s not. A little time machine.

I’ve been listening to The Lost City of Z from the library, though, so I guess I’m in the mood for contemporary archaeology.

I also noticed that they now have names for the streets in the new development behind the mall. “King Arthur Way” and “Parliment Court”. Heh. [sic --I'll have to go see if the name really is misspelled in the physical world]. “Armada Drive”. Heh. Think about it.

Another weird thing. New Germany-Trebein Rd. is still marked as that, even after the stupid renaming pushed through by the developers. (Yay, Google!) On the street view, the new extension of New Germany-Trebein seems to be fully complete, and it is on the map; but it wasn’t explored by the Street View folks. So it really has to be 2008 or so.