Harry Potter… er, Peredur and the Holy Grail… er, Deathly Hallows. Of Hogwarts.

Since I can’t get to sleep with these cold pills in me, let us theorize.

1st Theory –

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Peredur or Percival or Galahad or… Harry Potter. His father was a great and powerful knight… er, wizard, who was either dead or at court or on a quest. Gone, anyway. So his son was raised way back in the waybacks, far from civilized society, without any knowledge of the world that should have been his own. Occasionally, he saw strange noble people come by, but the people who raised him lied about their identity.

But finally, he learned the truth, and set out to follow in his father’s footsteps. He came to a magic castle by a lake — a castle named… Camelot? Carbonek? Montsalvat? Hogwarts? Anyway, he met an old man there who was very kind to him and told him about his family. The old man trained him in the arts and manners of that strange new world, and told him everything he needed to know. But the young man was too polite to ask what was up with the strange magical items there and who they were to serve, or the old man’s wound, or how the land could be healed. He went on his way when he was fully trained, questing against all sorts of monsters, looking for his relatives…

But in the end, he had to return to the magic castle, and ask questions, and fix what was broken.

2nd Theory –

Because once upon a time, there were four founders of Hogwarts who were the keepers of four holy relics: the plate that Jesus used at the Last Supper, the kiddush cup from the same, Longinus’ spear, and the sword that slew St. John the Baptist, or which St. Peter used on Malchus. (Or maybe the actual Instruments of the Passion. Though, to be honest, the Byzantine Empire did a pretty good job of distributing bits and pieces of most of the Instruments in bits and pieces all around Europe and the Mideast.)

We know Godric Gryffindor had a sword. UPDATE: Brandon points out in the comments below that Helga Hufflepuff had a cup. We don’t know what the other Founders had… though of course the Horcruxes may well be involved.  So whether we’re talking the Grail stuff called Hallows or the Irish/Scottish ones or even a few of the Welsh Thirteen Treasures… it’s entirely possible that turning Hogwarts Hallows into Horcruxes would make them truly Deathly.

3rd Theory –

The Founders are buried in or around Hogwarts, like Bran’s head, and their mausoleum keeps the place safe. (As in the Hallows of Tolkien’s Gondor.) Although one hopes that the wizards can’t be described as “a withering people whose only ‘hallows’ are their tombs.” All those rotten kids should have been attending the school chapel on Sunday; then they’d have known. This is supported by the reported comment of Rowling to the director that Hogwarts had a burial area, and that it was not outside the walls. Common medieval practice would have people buried in tombs in the castle church/chapel, under the church floor, in the church crypt (all three suitable for high ranking people), or in the churchyard surrounding the church.

Given how lively Headmasters’ portraits and ordinary paintings and statues are, one wonders about funerary effigies and brasses of the Founders. Would they come to life in the hour of Hogwarts’ greatest need?

4th Theory –

Godric’s Hollow = Godric’s Hallow.

5th Theory –

That darned cup in the cave was either the Grail (probably belonging to one of the founders), or a forged evil and opposite copy of it. Maybe it’s even the Deathly Hallows. R.A.B. was Rex Arturus Britanniae. He was already going to die from his wound, so he and the Lady of the Lake….

Since “Weasley Is Our King”, Ron Weasley must be king rightwise born of all the Britons. (Darn those German Windsors, Scottish Stuarts, traitorous Welsh-French Tudors, pesky French Plantagenets, and invading Normans and Saxons! The true line of the Penweasel lives!) Ronald will pull the sword from the stone and inherit the crown of his fathers, maintaining the Celtic tradition of election of the most suitable from a pool of males with the right birth. (Sorry about your luck, Mr. Weasley. And Mr. Blair. And Elizabeth Windsor.)

Obviously this makes Hermione Guenevere and Harry Merlin. Or maybe Hermione’s Merlin, and Harry’s Lancelot. You could argue either way.

But anyway, Arthur fought an emperor named Lucius.

6th Theory –

“The Deathly Hallows” is a name along the lines of “The Perilous Siege”. Only the right person, or the worthy person, can go there and get out unscathed. Or maybe what you do there is worth the deathliness.

UPDATE: 7th Theory –

Since the game Hangman keeps getting mentioned, and “Weasley Must Die”, and the Weasley twins are even selling Hangman… well, maybe somebody will put Ron up on a gallows, either to gain power from the sacrifice of a king, or just to pressure Harry. Or maybe Percy will be framed and set up for hanging. Or maybe he’ll try to kill himself. (I’m trying to remember the ritual murder thing of the bog people. Hanging, drowning, and bludgeoning, wasn’t it? And some kind of theorized connection with Taranis’ mallet?) There are also certain magical ingredients that only can grow in the shadow of a gallows, and others that are taken from hanged men.

Somebody else with theories.