Category Archives: Humor

Good Thing His Mother Didn’t Read This….

Occasionally, theologians and other specialists express themselves in a way which, while it makes some sort of sense in their technical language, sounds pretty silly to the rest of us. Sometimes that’s not a problem in their work, but sometimes it is. Oh, yes.

For example, here’s something I found while poking around Papal Encyclicals Online, in “Coelestis Pastor”, an Apostolic Constitution by Pope Innocent XI, condemning the errors taught by Miguel de Molinos. (Not the same guy who came up with Molinism, btw. That was Luis de Molina, according to Wikipedia.)

Our buddy Miguel was doubtless in error on all these theological points, but his mom would probably have been glad to point out the basic error of fact here. Possibly with a rolling pin.So, for all you moms everywhere, feel free to join in condemning the following sad error by Miguel de Molinos!

40. The Blessed Virgin never performed any exterior work, and nevertheless was holier than all the saints. Therefore, one can arrive at sanctity without exterior work.

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It’s Not Nice to Steal Baby Jesus.

And you really shouldn’t mess with Santa Claus.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for a very special Christmas story — a true story. A Texas peace officer story by the Lawdog.

(On another note, Lawdog also pointed folks to these .22 rifles for kids. Am I shallow if I want a purple one?)

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Yet Another “Chris Johnson: Anglican Investigator”!

It’s Amy, Dale Price, and Chris versus the forces of evil and unreason.

They have 24 hours.

Starting… now.

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Biology Filks at the University of Chicago Press

I’m sure other people noted this humor page years ago, but the filk musical My Fair XX (just three scenes, alas) and the other songs on the page are worth a perusal.

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Roman Filks!

For all of you Latin lovers and legionary-wannabes, click on over and sing some Legio XX Songs! These aren’t from Roman reenactors, btw, but rather from Roman LARPers.

Possibly the best song is a rewrite of “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General”:

My family’s patrician, we’re descended from a deity
With pietas and dignitas, but never spontaneity
We clap politely at the games when gladiators spear their foes
And when we write a speech it always sounds like one of Cicero’s

Fittingly, we also have math/linguistics/filk guy Kevin Wald’s oldie-but-goodie:

I am the very model of a heroine barbarian;
Through Herculean efforts, I’ve become humanitarian.
I ride throughout the hinterland — at least that’s what they call it in
Those sissy towns like Athens (I, myself, am Amphipolitan).
I travel with a poet who is perky and parthenian
And scribbles her hexameters in Linear Mycenean

However, this otherwise excellent site features an unaccountable absence of Kipling’s quite wonderful marching song from Puck of Pook’s Hill, “Rimini”:

And I’ve tramped Britain, and I’ve tramped Gaul,
And the Pontic shore where the snow-flakes fall
As white as the neck of Lalage—
(As cold as the heart of Lalage!)
And I’ve lost Britain, and I’ve lost Gaul,
And I’ve lost Rome and, worst of all,
I’ve lost Lalage!

But Suetonius is the guy who kindly preserved real Legion marching songs for us. Read his Lives of the Twelve Caesars for that and many other fun scurrilous tabloid details.

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Ice Cream, the Liquid Nitrogen Way!

If you don’t have any acquaintances, friends, or family who play with liquid nitrogen on a regular basis, you’re probably wondering how you make ice cream with liquid nitrogen instead of ice and a churn.

Wonder no more. This site has video. (Scroll down a loooong way.)

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A Town Named Sioux

The rumor was funny enough, but the Vatican press release confusing the diocese of Sioux Falls (South Dakota) with the diocese of Sioux City (Iowa) was hilarious!

So for further Vatican reference, these are also separate towns:

Sioux Center, Iowa

Sioux Creek, Wisconsin

Sioux Lookout, Ontario, Canada

Sioux Narrows, Ontario, Canada

Traverse de Sioux, Minnesota (not there anymore)

There are Sioux Counties in Iowa, Nebraska, and North Dakota.

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We Call That a “Habit”

Every so often, it occurs to me that a lot of Protestant and evangelical layfolk don’t really want to act like laypeople at all. They want to act like they’re part of a religious order community (and though they’d never support the old practice of oblates), right down to their tiny little kiddies.

Enter the Armor of God Pajamas.

Now, I don’t particularly object to this. It’s just that we in the Catholic world, east and west, have a similar custom. It’s called “members of religious orders putting on their habits”, not to mention “priests putting on their vestments“:

“The priest or bishop who is about to celebrate, having washed his hands, taketh the amice, and covereth his head with it; and this he hath in the stead of the ephod or super-humeral, or of the Breastplate of Judgment; nay, even now it may be called the super-humeral. This signifieth salvation, which is granted through faith; whereof also the Apostle speaketh, saying unto the Ephesians, PUT ON THE HELMET OF SALVATION.”

(It goes on from there, with tons more symbolism and scriptural citation.)

Another very common accessory is the “yoke” that is “easy and light” — represented for the religious by the tabardy thing that monks and sisters of certain orders call a scapular (because it go over the scapulae, shoulders), and which inspired the stylized cord ones that many laypersons wear.

So I agree that re-inventing the wheel can be fun and useful. But sheesh, let the kids enjoy the lay state every once in a while, huh?

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The Elusive Professor Moriarty… er, Grisha.

Here’s an interesting article on Grigory “Grisha” Perelman, the elusive Russian mathematical genius who may have proved the Poincare conjecture. It’s on the New York Times site, so read it quick before it goes away!

The funny bit is that Perelman really does sound like Moriarty, except for the evil part.
“Born in St. Petersburg in 1966, he distinguished himself as a high school student by winning a gold medal with a perfect score in the International Mathematical Olympiad in 1982. After getting a Ph.D. from St. Petersburg State, he joined the Steklov Institute of Mathematics at St. Petersburg… Although [his papers on Poincare] were so technical and abbreviated that few mathematicians could read them, they quickly attracted interest among experts…Recently, Dr. Perelman is said to have resigned from Steklov….””

“His career has been an extraordinary one. He is a man of good birth and excellent education, endowed by nature with a phenomenal mathematical faculty. At the age of twenty-one he wrote a treatise upon the binomial theorem, which has had a European vogue. On the strength of it he won the mathematical chair at one of our smaller universities, and had, to all appearances, a most brilliant career before him… Dark rumors gathered round him in the university town, and eventually he was compelled to resign his chair.

Is he not the celebrated author of The Dynamics of an Asteroid, a book which ascends to such rarefied heights of pure mathematics that it is said that there was no man in the scientific press capable of criticizing it?”

However, unlike Moriarty, whose interests included sitting at the center of a vast web of information — wait, that’s my hobby! — and being the Napoleon of Crime, Grisha Perelman is apparently a sweet guy who likes going out mushroom hunting in the woods.  (Moriarty would look for poison mushrooms, of course.)

In all seriousness, Grisha, I wish you well, wherever you are. But your colleagues are worried about you. Send ‘em some non-math email, eh?

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Sisters with Suds

Milblogger Sieg provides a look at what German religious drink to beat the heat.

The crowning touch is the demure glasses in which it is served.

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Like Stealing Candy from a Bobby

In Sussex, Cops arrest colleagues over lolly theft.

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Why Sarah Brightman Changed Careers

Apparently, she used to be in some kind of popular English disco band called Hot Gossip. Here’s the video for one of their hits: a little ditty called “I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper”.

Scary, eh?

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Another “Chris Johnson: Anglican Investigator” Adventure Is Up!

And this one’s inspired by 24. Enjoy!

Part 1

Part 2

More to come….

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If Homeopathy Were True….

If homeopathy were true, it seems to me that the following logical consequences would ensue:

1. People should only have to take a homeopathic medicine once, since their tissues are full of water, and would all absorb the medicine. The medicine’s virtue could never leave the body, since new water would only absorb and increase the dose. Of course, this would eventually lead to overdose. Unless the body’s tolerance constantly increases, too.

2. People on homeopathic medicines would consider their own waste as a toxic waste hazard, and keep it out of the water table. Since the more the medicine’s diluted, the more the virtue of the herbs increases.

3. If one person in town on city water is taking a homeopathic medicine, everybody else on city water with that condition should be cured. (Even without the toxic waste problem, obviously they’re drinking out of water fountains, washing their hands, etc. Thus spreading the medicine.)

4. Many people every day should be randomly struck down by overdoses of all the homeopathic medicines circulating in the city water system.

5. You shouldn’t have to pay anything for homeopathic medicine, anyway. Just for the bottles.

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