Catholics throughout the blogosphere are waiting, eagerly or worriedly, for the release of a new motu proprio widening permission for the use of the Tridentine version of the Mass. But some have been driven crazy by the usual Roman and Vatican customs of spreading lots of rumors, but refusing to announce definite dates for documents to be released.
So from our home office at St. Expeditus Speedway, here are the top ten signs that you’ve succumbed to motu-mania:
10. Your browser’s homepage is now the news page at vatican.va. The one in Italian.
9. You’ve received oxygen treatment three times this week, because you keep holding your breath waiting for the motu proprio to come out.
8. You leave your computer on all night, with that vatican.va page up. Just in case.
7. During meetings at work, you doodle complicated allegorical pictures involving the Holy Spirit, eucharistic messenger angels, and scantily clad women labeled Una, Sancta, Apostolica, and Ecclesia who are feeding treats to St. Corbinian’s bear.
6. You have written code that makes your browser refresh that vatican.va page every five minutes.
5. Your local newspaper cites your blog in a story about the Latin Mass, even though it has no idea you live in the area.
4. You decide that five minutes is too long, and soon your browser is a denial of service attack all by itself.
3. You have a nasty ailment, and decide to wait and apply a printout of the motu proprio instead of trying your aunt’s Lourdes water.
2. Rocco calls to warn you that the Vatican’s webmistress has sent over the Swiss Ninja Death Guard to yank out your modem.
And the number one sign you’ve succumbed to motu-mania?
1. “Yes, you’ve reached ze Pope. How did you get zis number? Only ze Sviss Ninja Death Guard has it.”