Well, I’ll probably never buy a gun, because my hand/eye coordination stinks (which is why I prefer to fling large things). But honestly, this Gopnik fellow makes me want to run right out and buy me one.
You don’t need hand/eye coordination for shotguns, though….
ANyway, since Mr. Gopnik does allow as how people can go huntin’ with one of them there rifles, but opines, “There is no reason that any private citizen in a democracy should own a handgun”, I thought of a few reasons, just for his unimaginative benefit. So here are:
The Top Ten Reasons to Own a Handgun
10. Shooting a handgun at the range is a lot safer sport than snowboarding. Also, it involves very small explosives, which snowboarding does not.
9. “The police will be there in fifteen minutes, ma’am.”
8. You ought to get full value from the Bill of Rights, seeing as you pay taxes for it.
7. Shooting has always sounded like a fun father/daughter activity. Especially if Dad tells her boyfriend all about it.
6. Cellphones die. Handguns don’t have batteries. And shotguns don’t fit in your purse.
5. Because stalkers and crazy ex-boyfriends pay such close attention to court orders, and court orders are so easy to get.
4. Mr. Colt is Mr. Feminist.
3. Concealed carry — a very present help in times of trouble. Because God helps those who help themselves.
2. Grenades are a bit hard on local property values, and Mr. Pin is difficult to put back.
And the number one reason to own a handgun:
1. Shooting and smoking tobacco are the only recreational activities that shock people anymore.