Patron Saint of Idiots Who Run Out onto the Field

St. Telemachus, martyr. On his first visit to Rome in the fifth century, this Eastern monk was appalled to learn that gladiatorial games still were being held in the Western Empire’s Colosseum, as if it were still the first century or something. So he ran out onto the arena sand, trying to get the gladiators to stop. These days, someone would call security. Back then, the enraged (and probably Christian) fans of the games grabbed anything they could reach and stoned him. To death.

When Emperor Honorius heard of this, he outlawed the Games at last.

(Of course, chariot-racing in the East continued to lead to mass deaths on the track, in the streets by horsy hooligans, and in riots and Byzantine politics — because the two rival teams were also political parties. But hey, Telemachus could only die once.)

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